Elizabeth's For the Love of Life Blog

Make no apology

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How many times have you met someone new, perhaps as a networking event or when out with friends, and the time comes to exchange cards or even promotional material and you find yourself apologising for your business card even before you've handed it over? Or you ask someone about their work or an area of their life and the underlying subtext seems to be one of embarrassment or apology?

How does it feel to be on the receiving end?

It's a tendency I've noticed in myself in the past, particularly if my new business cards have been at the printers or I had some grand scheme for marketing material and had to settle for something that I felt didn't quite hit the mark.

 

The impression it gives doesn't do any of us any favours, and I know you can appreciate the impact it has on our self esteem if we find we get trapped in a constant mantra of excuses and apology in our own self-talk.

 

We are all striving in our own ways. We all have expectations of ourselves and might feel that perhaps we don't always measure up. There is no benefit to you of wearing your self-doubt and your (perceived) shortcomings on the outside. Let yourself off the hook, release the pressure.

 

Honour yourself, recognise your current value, in this present moment. You may not have fulfilled your greatest aspirations - yet, but who you are now is worthy of recognition and respect.

 

You owe it to yourself and the person who has taken the time to connect with you to put out your best light. After all, you attracted them, there is something within you, right now, of value.

 

If you ever need reminding, just think of a few of your dearest and most treasured friends. Are they, in your view, good people who have something to offer the world? Like attracts like, they are around you for a reason. Could it perhaps be because you too are a high calibre person with a very unique and powerful gift?

 

All that said, in business it can be tricky to project a certain image if you are genuinely concerned that your services or products or website or collateral don't stack up. So perhaps it may help, if you find yourself in this place as I too often do, to change your criteria for that internal benchmarking. Remind yourself of your personal qualities that make you good at what you do.

 

You also have the choice to take practical action to address those things that you're currently a little embarrassed about. This is true not only in business but it extends to our personal lives as well.

 

For example so many people I meet experience my shared perpetual battle to keep my home presentable and are constantly in "excuse the mess" mode. Well, we have a choice, get a cleaner, make it a higher priority to do the housework or let it go!

 

Another common favourite of mine occurs when having over friends for dinner. 

As I'm serving up the roast, before I've even got the plates on the table the words are already out of my mouth about how underdone the spuds are or how the broccoli has gone a bit soggy. Not the best presentation of a meal I've just spent 2 hours slaving over! Imagine if your friendly local restaurant waiter prefaced every course with a list of the chef’s shortcomings and excuses about the state of the kitchen!

 

How lovely would it be if you could revel in your creative work? How honoured would your friends feel if instead, their meal was presented with a smile and the words "I did the spuds just how you like them darling!"

 

If you find yourself being other than wholly positive and affirmative about who you are and what you have to offer, please accept this as a humble reminder.

 

Make no apology - you are worth more than that.

With love and respect

Elizabeth

Tackling your procrastination gremlins

If there’s one thing I know for sure from my work and my own personal challenges, it is that the closer we get to realising what our hearts calling is; the closer we get to realising what it is that could liberate us from playing small; the closer we get to really making a significant difference to others in the world and contributing to something that is more worthy of us than our current daily grind...the higher the level of resistance we experience and the bigger the fear!

I’ve known this to be true for some time. I experience it often in my coaching work. In fact it’s one of the hall-markers I actively look for when working with people to help them clarify and move towards their vision, that tells me they’re on the right track.

This resistance and fear can be paralysing or worse it can trick us into thinking that our desires aren’t really our true desires, otherwise there would be an absence of doubt wouldn’t there? The little (or not so little) internal voice that tells us “we’re not good enough, we’re doomed to failure, it’s not up to me, there are more important priorities like paying the bills, tending to our families” etc etc.

The voice of fear or resistance does everything it can to maintain the status quo, to keep us in the comfortable space that feels safe, even if it’s sucking the life blood out of us.

I recognise the devil that is procrastination only too well. It has become a fond friend to me over the years. Morphing from an alien intruder that kept me from productivity, that tortured me with guilt and lowered self-worth, to a well known companion that was a source of mild irritation to a firm friend that is an active signpost pointing clearing at my souls’ purpose and hearts’ desire.

I can now observe with a wry smile its many faces. One particularly amused me this week. When sitting down to write this very newsletter I felt an overwhelming “calling” to clean all our tea spoons! Oh yes procrastination is a wily adversary. Who would think that a seemingly innocuous task such as this could really be getting in the way of unleashing my true potential?!

I have learnt to recognise over time the true nature of these “callings”. They are the dreaded procrastination in full effect. If I’m not ever vigilant one such task can lead to a thousand others and before I know it the flat is spotless (down to the skirting boards), the ironing is done, the car is cleaned, my wardrobes are cleared out and even the sock drawer is tidy!

How can you fall for this I hear you ask? Well one explanation is fairly simple; these tasks can always be justified. There is always a higher than godly reason why the house should be spotless – what would our guests think if I let it all go to pot just because I was finishing my book?!

Succumbing to the poison chalice of procrastination is inevitable. Particularly if you have a temperament like mine, somewhat like a petulant child that if told they can’t have another biscuit will steal away and snuffle the whole packet.

So how do we move beyond this and empower ourselves to forge ahead in the direction of our dreams, doing what needs to be done to achieve them?

 

1^st Don’t kid yourself that it will be easy. An ever watchful eye is needed to spot the first signs of procrastination when they arise and disguise themselves as productivity. Some of my favourites:

Continually updating my facebook status (to remind people just how productive I am :o)), cleaning out drawers/filing cabinets, “tweaking” the website, planning, planning, planning – not doing! And oh yes – polishing the cutlery!

2^nd Recognise that it’s always there and we must do what we need to do regardless. Don’t wait, take action, any action and, over the process of your day, that huge insurmountable monolith of a rolling stone will pick up momentum.

3^rd Don’t kid yourself that your efforts will get you instant gratification. Those things that we procrastinate on are likely to be long haul projects that require consistent attention and dedication. We have to learn to see our work in the context of the big picture.

My hubby Mike for example, consistently does an hours’ daily piano practice even when he comes home from work on his knees, because he knows the rewards of consistent effort in the long term. However until I master the art of such Zen-like dedication then chocolate is a good substitute and provides me with a little short term reward that serves a purpose, and I forgive myself for that.

4^th Enlist real help.  Don’t allow your loved ones to feed the procrastination monster, even though they mean well. If you need to, find someone who can see through your very reasonable sounding rationalisations and get you to cut the crap and get on with it. Coaching can often be really helpful in this respect. As long as it doesn’t become another means of procrastination under the guise of “working on getting over my procrastination”. Short term interventions that lead to immediate, focused action in a clear direction that is aligned with your true purpose and potential are what’s needed.

Now I fear this blog is actually becoming procrastination for another piece of work so i’ll sign off for now and wish you a vigilant and visionary week.